How To Deal With Divorce

When I was around 9 years old my parents separated and at first, I really struggled with them being apart. Looking back, I wish I had had someone to talk to or a way to reach out to someone, to see if what I was feeling was normal or even just relate. No matter what your emotions are they are completely ‘normal’, especially after suffering the splitting of your parents. I found that I felt split in half, half of me wanted to be with my Mum and half of me yearned to be with my Dad, I couldn’t decide who I wanted to live with or who to spend my holidays with. Also, no matter how old you are, going through this could force you to feel like you have to make a decision like this or feel pressured to do one thing or another. For me, the court decided and even at the age I am now (17) I use what they guided me to do.

Of course it will all seem very complicated and you are most likely panicking just at the thought of all of this. However, you need to focus on you. Ask yourself: Am I getting enough sleep? Am I doing enough exercise? Am I still enjoying the things I love? If the answer is a no then that needs to change. I cannot stress how important it is for you to look after yourself through this stressful and painful time. It can be hard not to end up in the middle of it all. Your parents are having a tough time trying to find some kind of arrangement and sometimes the arguments can get a little…. messy. The best thing I can advise you to do is stay out of it as much as you can, don’t stress them out even more! You have enough going on trying to balance work as well, without having to deal with this situation. It is not your responsibility to sort things out, at the end of the day you are the child and they are the adults.

Having said this it’s still important for you not to ‘bottle things up’, as my Mum always says. If you need talk to someone then there are so many people that can help. For the first few years I had a councillor, someone who I could let it all out to without the fear of one of my parents becoming offended or upset, as what you say is confidential. Sometimes I wouldn’t feel like talking, I have a diary that’s full of all my thoughts and worries and it honestly helps me so much just being able to write it all down. It feels like as you’re writing, the emotions are slowly leaving you and when you’ve finished they have completely disappeared. These are methods that have worked for me. If you don’t want to ask your parents to see a counselor, then there is also your teachers and friends who will either be able to take your mind off it or listen to what you have to say. Some people prefer mediation whilst others prefer playing sport as a release of tension and ultimate stress. Just find a nice safe way that works for you and use it as often as you can.

At the end of the day everybody’s story is different. The only way I can try to help, is relating to my own personal experience and perhaps my experience is very different to yours, but the main thing you need to remember is you will get through this! Whatever is happening right now won’t last forever, as in 20 years time you’ll be off, maybe creating your own family or simply doing the aspects of life you enjoy. This period of your life is just a phase and always remember that you are never alone and there are so many people here to help you. I hope this article is one of them.

Afriend.

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